15 Books in 2015-Book One

I finally finished my first book of the year. I hadn’t been able to read all that much because of my anxiety. I just wasn’t able to focus on anything for more than a few minutes at a time, but my mind is starting to feel less foggy.

As I mentioned before, Jeremy bought me Yes Please by Amy Poehler for Valentine’s Day. Once I started I had a hard time putting it down and it got me back into reading again.

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I loved the book. I think it’s the first autobiography/essay style book by a famous person that I’ve read. I love Amy Poehler. How could you not?! She’s smart and funny and I pretty much want to be best friends with her.

The book was so interesting. I loved reading about her past and how she got started. Her honesty was awesome. There were so many great stories, anecdotes and quotes. She’s hilarious.

If you like Amy even a little then I would highly recommend this book.

Spring Bucket List

Since I’m super excited and anxious for Spring to arrive, I decided to make another Spring Bucket List to print and hang on our fridge. These lists are such a great way to let the kids keep track of the things we want try to do during that particular season and the things we’ve already done, as well as, a way for us to come up with an activity at a moments notice.

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**Note:This printable is for personal use only**

To print your own copy simply right click on the picture, save it to your computer and print.

(If your wondering about the play birdfeeder craft, it can be found here at Handmade Charlotte. I came across it on Pinterest a while back and knew my kiddos would love it. We’re big bird lovers around here.)

Happening Now

Fighting off another cold…ugggghhhh.

Wishing it would hurry up and get warmer outside.

Crossing lots off my spring cleaning list (still) and it feels good.

Trying to get back into running after being sick for what feels like forever.

Watching About A Boy. Love it. Oh and The Walking Dead. This season is so good.

Reading Yes Please by Amy Poehler. I just got it and I’m almost done. It’s incredibly interesting.

Thinking that maybe I’ll paint our master bedroom this weekend if I’m feeling up for it. I can’t even tell you how badly that room needs a makeover.

Plugging away at my 2014 Project Life album and needing to start this year’s.

Looking forward to watching The Oscars on Sunday. Although I haven’t see many of the movies that are nominated yet.

Loving that the sun is out today and planning to take a walk with the kids when Hudson gets home from school.

Starting to plan our summer vacation and getting super excited. Too bad it’s forever away.

Feeling tired and like I need some rest. I think I’ll go lie down.

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Have a great weekend!

Emotional Rollercoaster

I’ve been riding an emotional rollercoaster since about the time that Hudson started Kindergarten back in August. Shortly after he started school, he began getting sick a lot. Nothing serious. Just your average colds and the stomach flu. Very normal. But on the evening that he ended up with the stomach flu for the first time, I had a complete breakdown; a full anxiety attack. It was crazy. I was panicking and couldn’t take care of him. Thank goodness for Jeremy. Once he was better, I was better, but when he got a stomach bug again a couple months later, I lost it again. I ended up having to call a hotline through our insurance company to talk to a counselor at 8:00 p.m. that night. It was so embarrassing. Once again Jeremy had to take care of Hudson, which he was fine with and did an excellent job as always. I ended up staying up all night watching Harper and waiting for her to get sick. It was horrible. My anxiety exploded. I became completely irrational about the kids getting sick and was obsessed. It was completely controlling my life. It was so bad that we talked about me going to see a doctor and possibly getting on some meds, which I was reluctant to do at that point.

As the fall proceeded and winter arrived the anxiety seemed to move to the back burner while we celebrated the holiday season. I’m not sure if it was having Christmas as a distraction or the fact that the kids stayed healthy, but I wasn’t as anxious. However, as soon as the holiday season was over, the anxiety came back full force. It was to the point that I couldn’t go through a day where I didn’t obsess about the kids getting sick at least a hundred times. I couldn’t understand what was going on with me. I had taken care of them while they were sick dozens of times and it never bothered me. Not one bit. So why was this year so different? I couldn’t go on like this. I was driving everyone crazy including myself. I made an appointment to see my doctor after trying virtually everything else I thought might help: I exercised regularly (which I do anyway), I tried meditation, I talked to a counselor, I bought a sunlight lamp, I spent time outside, I even thought if I could just make it until Daylight Savings Time I would be okay. None of it worked, so it was time to see a professional.

On the day of my appointment when the doctor came in and we started talking about what was going on, I began to cry. I explained everything and we came to the conclusion that I was suffering from anxiety caused by a mild case of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) from an incident with Hudson. You see, a year ago in January, Hudson was home sick from school with a fever. No big deal, but at one point while I was taking his temperature, he fell face first onto the ottoman in front of the couch (I thought he was being silly) and when I tried to get him to stand up, he rolled off onto the floor. I realized he was unresponsive. I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t know if he was breathing. I tried to take his pulse and was seconds from calling 911 when he came to and began crying. I was hysterical. I couldn’t stop crying. I mean, for a split second I thought my baby was dying. That might sound overdramatic, but he had never done this before and I was clueless. Jeremy came home from work and we took him to see his pediatrician that afternoon. They thought maybe it was a feberal seizure due to his fever but couldn’t be positive. It didn’t happen again until April. This time he was at Preschool. They called me and I rushed to pick him up. The doctor sent us to the Children’s Hospital for testing on his brain function and heart. Everything came back normal. So, we just had to watch him and if it happened again they would do more tests.

Well, it didn’t happen again. At least not before he started school or even until just a few weeks ago, yet I couldn’t handle the idea of him or Harper getting sick. It turns out that PTSD takes time to show up and because Hudson started school and our everyday routine changed completely, it hit me hard. He was now going to be gone All.Day.Long. I was no longer in control of his everyday activities. I was no longer his full-time caregiver. He was in someone else’s hands and I couldn’t handle it.

The PTSD was causing me to have extreme anxiety daily, as well as, full blown anxiety attacks whenever the kids would get sick, especially Hudson. The doctor said that I had a small chemical imbalance and that it was easily treated with medication, so I went on the meds. I had some trouble with them at first. My dosage was too high, but it got cut in half for a while until I got used to it and now back to the full dosage. I’m not thrilled to be on medication, but I am finally starting to see an improvement. My days are feeling lighter. I still think about them getting sick, but not obsessively like I was. I had a small setback when Hudson passed out again…twice within a two week period and we had to take him to the ER. But we took him for a follow-up with his pediatrician who told us that he is just going to be prone to passing out and there’s nothing medically wrong with him. I guess in runs in Jeremy’s family.

I wish I would’ve gone to the doctor back when it all started instead of being stubborn about it, but I’m glad I finally went and did something to help myself. Who knew you could get PTSD from just seeing your son pass out? But I guess when you don’t know that he’s just passing out and you think for a nano second that he’s dying, that can be very traumatic for a mother. I’ve also been hard on myself for not being able to care for him and comfort him the way that I should. I know it’s not my fault, that it’s my illness and that once the meds start working fully I’ll have no problems, but it’s been extremely frustrating.

Hopefully I’ll only have to be on the meds for six months to a year and then I’ll be back to my normal self. But for now, I’m just happy to be feeling a little more like Tashia again. I’m glad that I finally gave myself permission to ask for help. It can be so hard to do sometimes. Life can be crazy and full of ups and downs. I’m looking forward to getting back to being on the upside and being able to see the magic in the everyday and leaving the fear and negativity behind me. Soon. Very soon.

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Valentine’s Day

Things have been pretty rough around here lately. We’ve all just been passing colds back and forth to each other for about two months. It started with the kids and then I finally ended up sick last week. It was my first cold of the winter and it would not go away. I finally felt a little better on Valentine’s day.

The day started with presents for the kids and then we went to get some donuts from our favorite donut shop.

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Jeremy hadn’t been on a date in months, so his parents came over to babysit while we went on a lunch date and did a little shopping. We went to Barnes and Noble to grab some new books for the kids. We grabbed a coffee and Jeremy bought me Yes Please by Amy Poehler. I’ve been wanting it since it came out last fall. We spent the rest of the day just hanging out at home with the kids.

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I’m happy to be feeling better this week and hope I can tackle some more Spring cleaning and maybe a couple of projects I’ve been wanting to do. Now if the sun would ever come out again I would be thrilled!

Snow For Days

We’ve been pretty lucky here in Nebraska so far this winter. The temps in January were so mild and unseasonably warm that some of my little bulbs in the flower bed out front started sprouting up and our neighbors Silver Maple tree grew buds. But we knew it couldn’t last and this past week we were hit with lots of snow. I know it’s good for the ground so we aren’t in a drought, but that doesn’t make it hate it any less and I really hope the shock of the cold temps doesn’t hurt the trees.

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The snow was actually quite pretty this time though and Hudson ended up having two snow days from school, so I guess it wasn’t so horrible. And it’s supposed to get up to around 40 degrees and sunny this weekend which will have that snow melting like crazy in no time.

These photos almost make me wish I had some snowshoes so I could go wander off in the silence for awhile. Almost.

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My parents are coming for a visit this weekend so I have lots to get done before they get here tomorrow night.

Hooray Banner

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A while back a made a banner to hang above Harper’s bed, so I thought I would share it with you today.

I knew that I wanted a banner that spelled out something fun and that I would probably add tassels or pom poms to it. Her bedding is so fun with the polka dot swirls and chevron and she has such a bubbly personality that “hooray” felt like the perfect word.

It was really easy and inexpensive to make and only took about an hour total. I bought all my supplies at JoAnn Fabric. I used purple and white felt and pink yarn.  I printed out the letters onto cardstock using the Bebas font. Then traced them onto the white felt and cut them out and glued them to the purple felt pennants. For the centers of the “R” and “A” I cut those shapes out of the purple felt and glued them on top of the letters. You don’t have to do that step and I actually probably wouldn’t add those it I did it over, but I like it both ways.

I had been seeing so many cute projects on blogs and Pinterest using tassels so I decided to give it a try. They’re are so easy to make.

Then to make it into a banner I used white string and hot glued the string to the back of the pennants. I also put a tiny bit of hot glue into the tops of the tassels where the string goes through them just to hold them in place so they don’t slide around.

Let it dry and hang it. Done! It couldn’t be any easier.

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I love the way it turned out. And best of all, Harper loves it. I also plan to add at least two more banner type strings to this. I’m thinking maybe a strand of pom poms and then one that has either felt triangles or circles.

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This would also be super cute for a birthday party, baby shower or any party really and would be a great keepsake.

Her room is far from being done, but I’m making progress. Albeit very slow progress! On to the next project!

(Harper’s duvet cover is from IKEA and the pink chevron sheets are from Target)

Blizzard and a Snow Day

Winter finally decided to show up here in Nebraska this weekend and we ended up with a ton of snow. Womp. Womp. The good news is that it’s supposed to warm up a bit by the weekend, so maybe a lot of it will end up melting.

Anyway, today is a snow day so Hudson is home from school. I’ll be spending the day hanging out with the kids and hopefully catching up on my 2014 Project Life album and maybe getting started on 2015. IMG_6599

Happening Now

Watching the series finale of Parenthood. I’m so sad to see it end.

Cleaning everything. Every nook and cranny.

Reading (still) The Poisonwood Bible. I haven’t been much in the reading mood lately.

Loving my recovered chairs and can’t wait to get to work on the rest of the room.

Trying to decide what home project is next to be crossed off the list.

Drinking coffee, coffee, coffee. Lorelai style.

Eating donuts. I’m back on a donut kick again.

Making Hudson’s valentines for school. I’ve found so many cute non-candy ideas on Pinterest.

Sending cards just because it makes me happy.

Rejoicing that a new month is about to begin and we are that much closer to Spring.

Taking photos of sunrises and sunsets. They’ve been extra beautiful lately.

Looking for new throw pillows and bedding for our master bedroom. I’m too picky and not sure what colors I want the room to be yet.

Hoping that the snow that is supposed to happen this weekend doesn’t add up to much.

Thinking about buying some fresh flowers today to brighten up the place.

Wanting to finally go see Wild this weekend all by myself. I loved the book and can’t wait to see the movie.

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How I’m Surviving the Winter Blahs

We’ve all been pretty under the weather around here the past two weeks. I think it’s finally getting back to normal again so hopefully I can start posting more.

Even though this winter has been rather mild as far as the weather is concerned, I’ve still needed a few things to help me get through it.  Why is it that the dark bothers me so much more now that I’m a parent than it ever did before? Anyway this year I decided to buy a Happy Light from Amazon after reading about how helpful they are when it comes to keeping the winter blues at bay. I’ve only been using it for about two weeks, so I’m not sure I can really report how well it works yet, but I like using it.

I also starting crossing items off of a Spring Cleaning list that I came across on Pinterest. I love this list. It has all the essentials on it, plus some that I wouldn’t have thought of. I figure by the time I complete a majority of it it will be Spring.

I’ve or I should say we’ve (the whole family) been getting outside as much as possible. The temps have been in the 50’s for the past two weeks and we have been outside for at least 20-30 almost every day. And if we can’t get out that long, we try to at least do 10 minutes. Getting fresh air and feeling the actual sun on your face makes all the difference this time of year.

I’ve also added more light to our house. I finally bought a new lamp for the other side of our living room. We previously only had one lamp on one side of the room which meant it was pretty dark, too dark for someone who pretty much hates daylight savings. I love having the new lamp so much that I also went out and bought two new lamps for our nightstands in our bedroom. We only had one before and I’ve wanted to move it to Harper’s room and buy a new shade for it forever. I ended up buying these from Target. I love the color and I love that our bedroom is filled with a lot more light.

I’ve also just simply been trying to enjoy all the simple things that I love like getting coffee on the weekends and watching our favorite shows.

There’s really only one whole month (hooray for it being the shortest month!) of winter left and it’s already staying light out later, so Spring is on the horizon. I. Can’t. Wait.

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This was taken at sunrise last week. Pretty spectacular.